The Herman Chronicles
April 15, 2006:
New Cushmen! Here's Dan posing with our boys on the campus of Cal Poly in San Luis Obispo, CA after we won the online auction. $800 each! And they were handing out nuissance tickets to the students of Cal Poly a mere month earlier. More details on that saga here.
A beautiful sight:
I heart forklifts:
Well it's a couple of months later and the new Cushman is offically on the road, named Herman II (after his big brother Herman) , and there's been some really annoying or amusing vandalism, depending on your perspective: I installed a snazzy new purple seat which promptly got stolen, he was grafittied 3 times, and someone stole the windshield wiper shaft. My theory is it's all because people think it's an actual meter maid buggy, and I can hardly blame them for venting. And thus begins Operation De-Metermaidification.
Some pics of Stage 1:
Behold the goofy new front piece, something I picked up at a yardsale yesterday for $5:
A couple of closeups:
The problem is I have to park him on the street at night, in lovely South of Market in San Francisco, and the crackheads roam the hood like digestive enzymes consuming anything not bolted down. Actually they take stuff that's bolted down too. My building has this great garage, but alas the copy shop that moved into the ground floor somehow wrangled exclusive use of it into their lease. Too bad, makes a hell of a Bat Cave:
Here's my snazzbo purple fur seat, which crackheads apparently find beautiful. I came out one morning and someone had meticulously removed the fur from the wooden board underneath it, pulling each staple with what must have been pliers. A very detail oriented crackhead, he even unscrewed the armrest so as not to damage his nice new swath of fur. I found the cushion across the street, someone had slept on it and used the armrest as a headrest. Sheesh.
A closeup of the fur:
A fartsy shot:
The little dashboard that once held parking tickets now sports fur and holds my jukebox. The stereo amp is mounted in the trunk:
The trunk is great, designed to carry traffic cones so it's totally huge. I put a padlock on so it's a big lockbox.
Here's some pics of my new Barbie which I'm thinking about permanently mounting on the roof. I love it and think it looks really cool, but it would probably be exhausting dealing with all the people giving me thumbs up or scowls at every stoplight:
It looks great though:
Love the hands:
Another possibility is to put up a little sign asking people to donate their parking tickets to me, and I could affix them with modge podge or spray adhesive or whatever all over the body. A couple of key blog mentions and might be able to get people to send in their tickets from all over the country or even world. Hmm...
Well Barbie came and went. I mounted her (so to speak) on Saturday, and she left me for a crackhead by Tuesday. Oh well, was super fun while she lasted, people just went nuts. Its kind of funny, because I live in the hood, but broke down in the Sunset District, which is relatively chichi, and came back in the morning to this sorry sight:
A closeup of the wires that used to hold Barbie down. Those little plugs were in Barbie's base, so they myst have really pulled hard:
But driving home I took inspiration from this woman. If her smashed window can smile in the face of senseless vandalism, so can I:
So today at the thriftshop I found the perfect replacement, or should I say successor:
I just have to figure out how to mount him so he doesn't flop all over the place. And maybe I should paint him so he's ugly to crackheads? Oh yeah, best part, squeeze his butt and his finger glows. Will have to rig it up so it glows whenever the key is turned:
ET Down! Well he almost lasted a full week, but looks like he lost a wrestling match with a crackhead last night:
That piece of metal going up his butt is fairly strong, so whoever pulled him over did it pretty insistently. I'm just glad they didn't rip Herman's fiberglass roof.
Here's where the X-Files angle comes in: they stole his hand!
And they twisted up his other arm pretty badly too.
But look at him, he's still smiling:
That tube coming out of his arm is the light that used to be in his right index finger. Still works!
Poor little guy:
Want to add some grafitti?